Thursday, February 25, 2016

On the day you were born..

On the day you were born Little Man, I 1000% had stopped believing you were coming.  I was in labor for 12 hours and attempted to push for 52 minutes. With all due respect, that was the worst 52 minutes of my life. For all the woman who find birth magical, more power to you. To the women that find birth empowering, while I agree, it is not empowering in the moment.
 I do not have a real "birth story" because I really was in labor the whole time at the hospital. I don't think I impressed the nurses at the beginning because she had hooked me up to the machines to monitor everything. A few minutes later they asked how long I had been having the contractions. My response was " oh those are contractions?". A few minutes later she asked what kind of birth I planned to have. I explained my goal was to have a medication free water birth using hynobirthing. Her response was to smirk and say " Yeah everyone says that before labor starts". Oh no you did not just say that to an uber past due pregnant first time mom. Now I am grateful for her snide comment, because I think it just helped my resolve.

  Because of the contractions they told me they could not do anything regarding inducing, but they would check back in the morning. They said there was a chance the contractions would proceed into full labor. That was at 10pm. By 12am, there was no doubt I was in labor. Except, I did not believe I was in labor so I was pacing in the room not wanting to wake up China Man or disturb the nurse. Fortunately at 1pm, I texted a friend who said she would be working the night shift. After she asked me a few questions, she confirmed I was in labor and it would be highly apppropriate to let my nurse know. The next hour or two really stunk because I could not find a way to manage contractions. I hated to ask the nurse to fill the tub because that seemed really demanding ( looking back, yes this all seems silly). Once I did get into the the tub it was all really a blur. Hello successful hypno-birthing. Plus they are details that just seem gross and unnecessary for a blog, lol.

But 8 hours after I climbed into the tub, a little screaming smurf baby was put on my chest. I was in total shock. There was so much going on around me, so many hands and arms all around working on me and grabbing at my baby. Meanwhile he is just screaming on my chest and I suddenly became very aware of how little I knew about babies. As I mentioned before, we did not bond instantly those first moments and I think part of it was because I had a few complications so I had the midwife and four nurses all around me talking and then 2 or 3 nurses grabbing at the baby. So I just sent the baby with his father  and nurses to the other side of the room because it was very chaotic and I honestly was very out of it. Looking back it makes me very sad that those first 3 hours or so I did not get to hold my baby very much but I don't think it had impaired us in any way.


    When I did get to hold him, I was in total shock that he was mine. He was my little boy. Honestly, I still stare at him in shock on a regular basis that this guy is mine. 

  At one year old, what exactly is my Little Man like. He is turning into an energetic, talkative and fiesty little guy. He loves fruit, and eating whatever we are eating. He is over having his own homemade baby food. And don't you dare try to serve him bland food, he wants all the herbs and spices.

   His favorite activities really appear to be climbing into cabinets, playing in water and looking at books.

He has turned into a bit of a snuggle bug lately, and I love it.

So that is the story of my Little Man and how he came into the world a year ago.
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